What a Day.

This all quite unrelated, but since I’m lying in bed with little to do might as well write.

Last week I heard some news that made me think I won’t be on the road for all that much longer. That again made me think of simple things like:

• What’s the funniest day I’ve had?
• What’s the worst day I’ve had?

The worst day was a day-after-an-alleycat-night in Amsterdam with nr 10, Mimi, Heather, Nasty, Kamaal and Marco. I woke up in the morning with a headache, deeply scratched face and mouth swollen spitting out teeth. I’m sure you know how it is.

“What happened?”

“You cycled off in a huff and we found you wrapped around a lamp post around the corner”

“Where’s my bike?”

“You couldn’t even walk so your bike is locked in town.”

Did we know Amsterdam is the promised land and heaven of skilled bicycle thieves? We do now. And so do you. Don’t leave your bike there overnight no matter what lock you have.

Back in town both mine and nr10’s bikes are gone, only the front wheels are left leaning against the wall. No bikes, no teeth, no face – sure enough we resolve the situation by finding the nearest coffee shop and taking it from there to sweet oblivion.

Maybe you remember my bike? It was one of the Bontragers that were handmade before Bontrager sold to Trek and the loveliest thing on the planet even if heavy and god did I love it! I bought it in Oslo, it had been lying in the warehouse for a while waiting for me. It was the only thing (and a rucksack) I had arriving in Dublin looking for work. There I saw an ad looking for “push-bike couriers” and the rest is history.

Back in London myself and nr10 were broke so that’s when we built fixies from any old parts that were lying around in the house and on the streets (remember the Raleigh Banana that was lying on Goodge St for months and nobody took it… until we did… and the Quando hub shell that was missing the works that Bill said would make a nice candle holder and the 28″ steel rim from Queen Anne’s Sq that Pete of Wells St found a tire for) and glued the sprockets on and no we didn’t put brakes on them because we didn’t have any and yes we learned to cycle them very quickly for the sake of staying alive even if we couldn’t skid because the sprocket would unscrew until we reglued it on better (and later had to blow torch it off when we rebuilt that wheel onto a lighter rim).

It was awful but fun in a way. Resourceful and creative in the same way as squatting and scavenging and skipping for food.

What a Day #2.

So that was the worst day. The funniest day is actually very recent and I don’t know what was going on but it was like the world was having hiccups on me.

1. Left my XDA on top of a fence at pickup.

At drop-off reached to get it out of my pocket… other pocket… third pocket… bag… eaaaaah crap.

Have you noticed how you never cycle as fast as trying to cover your own fkups?!

Back at pick-up address found the XDA where I’d left it and POD’d the job in front of the woman who had given it to me and was now looking at me wondering what was going on and if this girl was ever going to make a move with her Urgent Direct.

2. Set off a fire alarm.

In a sudden shower of urgent work I was trying to find my way out of a foyer but couldn’t spot the “open the door” button so instead pushed the button in the centre of a square red box that was positioned on the side of the door. Christ if they have CCTV in that hall there was a courier bouncing off all four walls in panic trying to get out with the bells ringing for WW3.

No, there was no “open the door” button. It was a “turn the handle and walk out”. Or run out, in my case.

3. Got stuck in a lift between floors.

The mobile worked so I rang my dispatcher who rang the client who apparently laughed on the phone “Oh, really?!” She then came out and gave me a shout down the shaft where I was sitting suspended and a tad claustrophobic:

“Ah there you are, wait there we’ll get someone don’t go anywhere… not like you could [chuckle]”.

Wait til I get to you!