When You Use Your Face As a Brake

It hurts.

• Place: Dunkery Rd, SE9, 8.05am

• Damage: Face, wrist, thumb, finger, hip, knee, knee.

• Cause: Roadbike+downhill+uneven icy patch.

I sat down on the grass. Rang work that I’m not coming in. Sorted out my bike that was left and right. Went back home but didn’t cry.

And no, I’m not posting this (just) to get sympathy. Since I started coming off my bike again it’s always Mr B in the box and he must be thinking I’m joking or something so here’s the evidence (& self observed clinical manifestations of shock):

• mumbled speech
• slowness
• muddy thinking
• slight tremble
• palpitations
• forgetting words
• confusion and forgetfulness
• freezing cold hands
• sleepiness after initial hyperactivity

I can’t wait for the swelling to start. This is going to be very pretty.

It happened right in front of a bus stop and I felt quite embarrassed until a big bloke in full lycra came down the same hill and took the same spill. He limped off and looking at the face on him went home to cry.

A woman at the bus stop came over as I sat on the grass and gave me tissue. I couldn’t feel my face which isn’t a nice feeling so asked for a mirror. Not too bad. Not spitting out teeth or any of that shit.

Now, by the unspoken rule you say “Oh yeah I came off, no it was nothing”. Scrap that. It was a proper tumble. Thankfully my head was wrapped in a scarf and a hat and a hoodie, without them it would’ve been quite a bit worse. Thankfully I fall like a ragdoll, light and without much resistance. Thankfully I didn’t hit the curb.

Again it was unreal how much time there was to think and observe, time really is a relative property. Coming off… shit… OUCH head first oh no, not the HEAD… oh a soft blow alright… now… face… on tarmac… skin… ey UH… still in full motion… now how will this end… round and one more time… uh… standstill… oh let’s see…

Back home I rummage around quite unco-ordinatedly, get one of my mom’s tea towels that she made herself when she was young it has the right kind of energy about it to clean the scratches and soften the spill. Yun Nan Bai Yao stings like hell but will ease the swelling and is an antiseptic.

What’s funny is that I was thinking last night and this morning that it didn’t feel right going to work. After Wednesday, inside of me, I felt I needed to say no to it just once to regain balance, my instinct said to ring and say I’m not coming in. But I let some stupid sense of dependability override my instinct.

Well, looks like the the spill decided it for me and I’ll be having a long awaited day in bed.

ps. While I’m at it, @ Bill & brakes & safety: I have never ever had even a half serious accident on a brakeless fixie but always on a road bike with good brakes and mostly away from city centre traffic. Brake on a fixie is just an excuse for not learning to cycle properly. And it unbalances the bike. And gets rid of all the nice hand positions no matter where you position the lever. There you are.